ok..guess you wouldn't of known..and just think a crash...see it when watching tv....I wouldn't give up the bike thing Fabs...is your hobby and we all need one...besides that it has to keep you in shape and ya might even live longer to enjoy the new family..good luck in the races.

I can never presume to have had emotions as most of you. All I can say is thank God for all of you who put your life on the line for people like me....we are hearing more and more on PTSS especially from the military, I never killed anyone, I dont know what it is like to live with that, valid kill or not. But I do know self preservation kicks in when you need it. I have mixed emotions about what happened with me. Until it happens you just dont know, oh ya think you do until it goes down. Given every circumstance and all the time to think it over, I wouldnt change a thing. I am glad in another way that I was tested and reacted the way I did. I do know stress can eat you away and you dont even know thats whats doing it. Maybe its good to talk maybe its not...hell I am not sure of anything anymore...

Skeeter,

Thanks for understanding. I keep trying to tell these fellow racers of mine to ride with common sense, but they just don't want to listen. When I race the Cat 4 races, I race with a lot of 24+ year old kids and they just feel like they have to be the next Lance Armstrong. I feel like telling them that if they aren't a pro tour rider by 24, they never will be, but I refrain from doing so. Anyway, they take insane risks to win $50 for first place. It is utterly nuts considering the bikes we ride cost thousands of dollars and a wreck will cost way more than the $50 for first place between the damage to the bike and the cost of medical supplies. My entire goal for last year was not crashing. I accomplished that, barely, and even eeked out a 2nd and several 3rds, and 4ths.

Now, when I race the Masters 30+ category, everybody seems to be more sensible. I don't know if it is because they have ridden a bike longer, raced longer, are more mature, etc.

If there ever was a crash and it looked like somebody was bleeding out and not able to take care of themselves, you can bet that I would stop and help. Finishing the race and possibly winning $50 for first place just isn't worth somebody losing their life.

By the way, I lost 15 pounds after I started riding the bike pretty hard. Went from 158 to 142 and I feel a lot better.