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Are you set on a pistol and not a revolver? A .357 would be my first recommendation to anyone. Plink with .38's and have .357's for the rough stuff. If you want a pistol make sure to actually hold them. I love my S&W M39 9mm, but a lot of the other Smith's don't fit well in my hand.
As far as 9 vs 40, I'd lean towards the 9. Reloading can be tricky with the .40 as not all spent brass should be reloaded. 9mm can be had for cheap, for practice and Glasers for protection. If it don't go down from a 9mm Glaser, it ain't going from a .40 neither.
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...my mistake, make that 4 coffins...
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