Lilred's Rant of the Week..Aisle Blockers

[Steverino]

Years ago LilRed when I was construction laboring, I'd go into the supermarket to pick up some groceries on the way home. I'd get the suburban soccer moms in their shee-shee outfits pulling the same crap in the middle of the aisle.

They'd get one look at the sweaty, drywall powdered, plaster dusted, scurvy, filthy, dirty visage of me striding boldly down the center of that grocery aisle and those biddy's would clear the sides of me faster than Moses parting the Red Sea!

Oh, I also used to enjoy saddling up nice and cozy to the folks in Produce that make a damn science project out of picking a head of lettuce or some peaches. After seeing me rooting through all the fruits and veggies, I actually saw a woman (I swear I'm not making this up) in a fur coat-why yes, don't you go grocery shopping in your fur coat? leave her already bagged produce in the storage bin after seeing me fondling all of the apples-of course big ol grin the whole time.

The way I see it LilRed, you just need to try and pick the "right" times to do your shopping. I guarantee that you hit that same Walmart store this Sunday after church with all of the folks wearing their Sunday best and you, well..you sporting the hunting clothes that you had on the week before when you had to drag that deer out of the creek after arrowing him the day before and you found it the following morning and it was bloated from intestinal gases and when you stuck your shiny new drop point into it, well it kinda sorta exploded all over ya- yeah, that's the outfit I'm talking about those folks will gladly do your grocery shopping for you.

All you need to do is stop at each aisle endcap and peak in at the congregations massing and after they smell you and then see you, you'll have only to point or motion in the general direction of your Mountain Dew and the folks will all clamor to get you whatever your pretty self needs to get you the hell outta that aisle! If you're smart and you know basically where all of the items are by aisle whereupon, you could make out your shopping list by items in the aisle, why I bet a person with the right git-up could be outta one of them Walmarts with two carts of crap in about two hours.

Oh you'll get all of your shopping items in about ten minutes Red. You're still gonna have to wait in a stinken line for at least an hour and a half because the goober store manager only brought in two cashiers.